rants & ramblings of a banned emperatriz

there is nothing more like having a broken heart.

it makes me feel like m world has been turned upside down. cant even eat, cant sleep cant do things right. all you have is a broken heart. can be healed. can be patched. i don’t have to worry over this. i feel pain, but i don’t have to suffer.

i just hope that there are still some magic left in this world… Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.

im tired and im almost quiiting. i have been told

“If you can’t save the relationship, at least save your pride.”

and i am trying to realise this.i should atleast try to cool off, accept that this relationship is dying,gotta sort out my feelings forget about my anger, and try to make changes in my life. i have to forgive to forget, and forget to feel again. i needa move on… this is goin to be soooo difficult fer me but im striking  a try. wherever i am, i gotta be here totally, i always have three options : remove myself from this situation, change it or accept it totally.. i must pick one and focus on it…

i shoudnt be whining over this.i am always sad and sullen because of this! there are a lot of people who loves me very much.. people whom i can always turn to… people whom i really trust!  and yes! i love you guys…im so sorry if im always bitter X) im just exaggerating!

i am the one who goin through this ordeal.. so let me face it..let me hande my emotions. and give me enough time.. this is going to be a devastating blow to me. but hey i guess i can do it )

goodbye sleepless nights, goodbye dramas gooooooooooodbyeee X)

COME WHAT MAY! brace yourself shugah!

fairytale dreams:

*stargazing with me love

*kiss in the rain ( i know its cheesy, so stfu )

*dinner dates with the parents

*moviedates (never done that)

*beach-ing

*hiking

*shopping together

nobody in this wo -orld enters a relationship expecting it to fail. at the onset of the romance we actually expect our feelings of happiness to flourish, and eventually the hope of being together in the future, will develop. sometimes the opposite occurs.. a rosy relationship into a bumpy relationship in a sudden.it is truly a shame when what started as something bright and promising ends with shattered hearts and broken minds.

no im not saying, im over my boyfriend. no no no. we’re still couples*!

but heck, everythings a shit, and i am currently nursing the wounds of this such relationship –.  nursing the wounds alone! wtf. ftw! and these catch phrase from many friends; *you can find another* *time will heal all wounds* *youll be okay* blaa blaa blaah .. while this may be true, one thing i am painfully aware of right at the moment is that the wound is most definitely not yet healed. I would agree to keep myself busy , its the hardest, and to think i cant even act normal ~ cant even talk right to anyone.  And wont act before i have REALLY thought about it; regret is never a good way to go. But I sure wouldn’t isolate myself from him, or be trying to act like I’m alright when I am upset about it. i am always open. i never keep my feelings. i know its shallow but it helps me lessen the pain.

and now i am starting to realize that not all dreams do come true and not all love stories have their happy endings. i had my heart broken for gazzillion times by this guy. But I am a natural born hopeless romantic so I never hesitated the power of prayers,wishin on a star, destiny and soul mates. I always believe in love. I always find love. Until one day shooooooooooot! broken hearted for nth time! i know being sad is just a state of mind. but at the moment, i am really sad to the extreeeme. so just let me. this wont take yeaaaars actually… i wanna cry… i wanna get DERUUUUUNK with my frieeeeeeeends! seriously.

you might think im over acting….whatever.just shut the fuck up okay??

i dont even know whats this post for
i just dont understand what i feel –.

i CAN pretend im alrite. but no way on earth i am doin that! shallow!

i am still wishin things will be allright. between us and everything.. wishin wishin wishin.

i missed the feeling of having butterflies in the stomach, goin home all flushed after a date,  missed the feeling of having someone to turn to after a bad day.. i miss the feeling of being loved ( say im bitter. yes. yes. go and blame me.  its stupid… but im willing to get stupid..i am still wishin he’d sooner or later realize that i love him.i wanted him to be a better person, but how? he doesn’t listen to me anymore.. he would shush me everytime i start talkin to him. and would just tell me to let him be like what he is.. wishin and hoping for things to change isnt pathetic! hell, its possible. or maybe it just take time… i hope the sooonest as possible. T.T but then if letting go is the best way.. then maybe id go for that. he’ve  suffered a great loss, so I don’t want him to face another one…

forget about me by little bit. i can truly relate:

Why Don’t You Love Me
The Way I Loved You
It Feels So Crazy
Cause I Dunno What I Did To You
If You’re Gonna Hurt Me
Then Do It Quickly
Cause I’m Tired Of Cryin
If You Don’t Wanna Stick Around
Then, Baby, Forget About Me
Forget About Me…

Boy, My Heart Was True
And That You Can’t Deny
Don’t Be A Fool
And Walk Away From a good life
It’s Up To You
Cause Heaven Knows I’ve Tried*

come what may. ill just accept everything. goodluck meh..

i guess ill be needing hugs from now on…:((

heya!!! my blog www.shugah.info ’s having a problem, i dont know what exaclty whether the host or my internet connection. blaah but anyway for the meantime i’ll be posting my rants and ramblings here. *.*

today’s a different entry, this ones a bit like the previous but more random. to start off i just want to tell you that i am really tired.. tired of trying to understand everything but im definetely fine. i am just tired because i want classes to start right away (excited much eh?) and i dont like staying here, always bumming around, doing the same stuffs everyday. duh? so boring and a whole lot tiring! ( i want to be in cdeo. i want to enjoy school-ing this soon! haha and also i want to do good in school this time and i am honestly excited about that. waaa :p ill be doing the bulleted entry cos i assume that this would be a very looooooooooooong post :p and also not to make you confuse

• 12th of june- my day, my birthday! whoaa say what? lol i am not excited, cos i know my parents dont havy any plan for that day. hihi thats fine with me. no worries. im turning and getting old for parties anyway! im turning nineteen (20 next year….. whaaaaaaaaaaaaattt??!!) haha so bear with me and let me have my three impossible wishes in advance :p firstly, a new phone.. wow haha an LG phone please?? secondly: a pair or two of a comfy shoes! lastly(serious this time) wish to have blog oppurtunities, i want to earn as much as what i have earned before. if this will be granted, i can be able to buy anything i want and need. hahaha enough enough enough..
• i am inlove with a gangstah- lol not really love eh. but im liking him this much :p but not to the exteme! lol its actually funny if i’ll post this. and you might just lol about this. anyway, last thursdayi went to the town, waah and i saw my ex boyfriend there, it was not planned! i just saw him… so ofcourse, i talked to him, i am not a meany okay. and blaah blaa blaah he asked me if i can accompany him to his school, for enrollment. since i got nothing to do, i just nodded and said yes. haha char! so there, his sister was there too. shes super nice to me :p and blaa blaa blaah thia guys is acting so sweet to me all the time.. omg.. after his business there,though it was not really finished, her sister invited us to a snack. and i was even forced to eat pizza(i dont really eat pizza) haha but its fine and blaa blaa blaah it just something weird. hihi :S i felt so happy to be with him again. get me? and hey hey heyyyy. we agreed to bring back our past relationship. haha cheesy eh. it was all fine with me, though i am not really sure if he’s serious about it and and so am i… u dont know. haha and blaa blaa blaa. we always text, i like him its good but then again  i am not sure about us.. ill just go on with this and see what will happen if things works fine between us, then better. if not.. fine with me too, im cool like that go or let go, either of the two’s fine with me..
• spaghetti- im really craving for spaghetti. a meaty meaty meaty spaghetti pleaseeeee?
• shugah.info – i want her to relive. i dont really know whats freakhiiing wrong :S i hate opening the computer, click on my browser and typed *friendster.com* instead of *shugah.info/wp-admin.php* blaaaah damnit

i told you, its pretty random *.* so if youre reading this, my apologies for the boring entry. and thankyouuuu :* mwa mwa

till here. Shugah

currently, listening to: neyo’s soundtracks

eating a huge slice of choco buttered cake, mango float,and red spaghetti ALL just for a midnight snack! LOL

and hey i noticed. friendster’s like wordpress too! just too basic though.

(i just feel the urge of posting something like this today)

what’s so wrong about being single? there is so mcuh sensitivity around this issue. it’s

about time to say what single is really all about.

i am single for almost seven months now (8months next week)in that span of time, there were

M.U relationship, though i dont really consider it as a RELATIONSHIP. ya dig what i am

saying? and its when someone asks me about being single and i just sigh about it and tell my

self * why let yourself be left out of it?* and everyone expects me to be with someone.

seems like all of them are making fuss out of it. and i am really hate being asked *what it

is like being single? or how does it feel that youre single?* its stupid right? i am always

teased about being single. it sometimes made me think that im so ugly and i am so stupid.am

i too independent? am i not that good? am i too good? am i too busy? (and i somehow get used

to it.) am i THIS fed up being single? i asked a lot of friends, both online and offline. i

received same answers from them, read a lot of magazines,& a lot of articles. and finally it

helped  me realize that being a single is a gift. it is a chance for me to know my needs

more.. and I came up with a long list to convince myself, written the hates and the love.

but I think one statement sums it up: When you’re single, you get to do what you want to do

when you want to do it.

lets start with my hates:
- the ACTIVITY BUDDY- a guaranteed activity buddies to the mall,parties, or any events.sure

we can invite friends, but then we cant be sure that they are available.when you have a

boyfriend, this isnt a big deal, the boyfriends tends to become the default option )
- the usual suprise gifts. who doesnt want them anyway?
- i envy every couples i see
- its heartbreaking when you join along with your girlies with their boyfriends and you see

them, really sweet together, share meals, holding hands. blaah while i eat my meal alone,

nobody to held hands to -.-
- no more sweet text messages in the morning and in the night

Being single ain’t all it’s cracked up to be…the what-so-great-about being single:

-You can have male friends without having to defend yourself and explain that nothing else

is going on.
-You can spend as much time as you want with your family and nobody’s lip will drag the

ground
-You don’t have to stroke the fragile male ego, and other things
-No more checking with someone to see if ‘it’s okay’ to tell someone yes or no to an

invitation. You can accept on the spot.
-no one keep tabs on us
-perfect opportunity to embrace your addiction
-

to conclude everything, i am torn between wanting to have a boyfriend and just being happy

that i dont have any.but its not all knocking boots and freedom. still,im taking a hiatus

from the relationship arena and opt to remain single at the moment.not because i have to,

but because i want to. true love waits..

xx,Shugah